Narcissist and Psychopath as Best Friends

By Jessika Endsley


Hi, this is Dizzy, and I'm going to talk about friendships between people with narcissistic personality disorder and people who are psychopaths or sociopaths, also known as anti-social personality disorder. I'm really not sure why I'm doing this except may be to alert people. So, this is how it goes. Let's pretend a psychopath and a narcissist are best friends. They meet and they just end up being friends, okay? The narcissist will possibly be drawn to the psychopath because psychopath's probably charming, has a lot of qualities a narcissist would want. Remember the narcissists don't have a much of a conscience, but they still kinda do, and they have low self-esteem even though they pretend they don't and they don't think they do. It's really a protective mechanism, the narcissist qualities, because they're so low in their self-esteem. A psychopath is not. A psychopath really does think there's a bomb.

Narcissists will hang on to the psychopath for conversation, for narcissistic feed basically, or possibly just because they see the psychopath as an extension of themself, and if psychopath has good qualities that they would want, then obviously they are going to hang on to them, or may be just someone to talk to. Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do not tend to have a lot of friends, not in adulthood. They will add people on Facebook until they have a zillion friends, but they don't really know most of them. Nobody wants to hang out with a narcissist in general. So if they meet somebody who will talk to them and they can hang on to, they're going to do it. So if this person is a psychopath, the psychopath is going to hold on to the narcissist as a friend, just in case. Just in case they need something from the narcissist, or they can use them...

What the psychopath is doing with the narcissist is using their main skill which is to successfully and fluently identify vulnerability in anybody. We know that a narcissist's main vulnerability is their self-esteem, their ego, and psychopaths identify this without thinking much. They don't actively say, "Oh, I'm going to hang on to this person so that I can use them later, or because they have something I want." It just happens. It's auto-pilot. It's like an animal instinct. They're predatory. They're much more predatory than a narcissist. They identify these emotions in people and these vulnerabilities. It's like the opposite of Asperger's. We can't identify much of anything. So a psychopath is hanging on to the narcissist just in case they need something. And it could be really anything. The narcissist has money, the narcissist has a car, and the psychopath may not, or they just can sense something about the narcissist that they might be able to use. So why not just keep someone around in case... So they become close. The narcissist and the psychopath. And... What was I about to say? That's not good. I'm too young to be losing my memory. Okay. So they get close and the psychopath starts being a psychopath and doing things that freaks the narcissist out or damage the narcissist repeatedly.

narcissist-psychopath-friendshipRemote control destruction of someone's life is a very, very intense quality of a psychopath, and they will do this over and over, and the narcissist is going to hold on. They are probably going to cut the psychopath off a few times, but they are going to come crawling back probably, as long as it's not a violent encounter, which it's usually not. And the psychopath once they've already done the damage, they are over it. So the narcissist comes crawling back, psychopath accepts. That's one of the more disturbing qualities of a psychopath is they will totally slip out and cause all kinds of problems and destruction and torments and when they're done, it's like it never happened. They'll accept cheating spouses back and everything, because if they're still useful, why not, right? That's how it works.

So the narcissist will keep coming back, keep coming back, and the narcissist is getting damaged, but they are getting their narcissistic favor in a psychopath. The psychopath might know this and be overly nice to the narcissist. Keep them around, feed their ego, tell them, "You look great!" All that crap. Just using the superficial charm, and once the psychopath has used up the narcissist for whatever the narcissist was giving them to keep them around, they'll just leave, possibly with tons of destruction behind them and just be out. And the narcissist is standing there like, "What just happened? And who can I find to supply me with my feed now?" We're talking about two types of people who have very little empathy. They don't really care about each other. They'll miss each other but that's because of what they're getting from each other, not because they actually feel anything, like most people would. It doesn't matter how close they were.

And they will part ways. Psychopath probably will just get up and leave and then they move on to the next victim. Psychopath probably already has a bunch of the other ones at the same time, and the narcissist might already have other sources of their supply. So, that's just one instance of a narcissist and a psychopath being friends. Close friends anyway. So, I think it'll make a good book. Maybe I should work on that.

Anyhow, for your information and entertainment, narcissists and psychopaths as best friends. Everybody have a good day, and tell me what kind of video you all want me to make, because I'm out of ideas right now. So, drop a comment. Bye.

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1.  Mary    Sunday, August 24, 2014

Thank you, Jessika. It seems like the Psychopath/Sociopath could easily get what they want out of a Narcissist by evaluating them. Finding out their deepest insecurities. Then manipulating. Another interesting combination is a Borderline Personality Disorder in the mix. NPD and BPDs can be psychologically draining combinations together. And either of those disorders make perfect prey for a Sociopath.

2.  Jessika Endsley    Sunday, August 24, 2014

Yes. Borderlines and Narcissists are the most inclined to be victimized of the axis B personality disorders.

3.  scinotropic    Monday, September 1, 2014

Holy swiss cheese, I feel like you are perfectly describing my relationship with a"close" friend right now. I've always known I overvalue my own opinion, but only to a degre thats tolerable to other people. If they are unhappy with my decision and I feel I've really wronged them in my own moral-context I appologize and feel really bad about it for a long time (if not forever) for not "being perfect" as a human being or a friend. In short: I believe I am a benevolent narcisist. I like sharing close to everything that comes to my mind with others's just the way I am.
One of my best friends is a more or less diagnosed sociopath, we talked about it a lot and havn't come to a conclusion, to which one is "better" because he's as stubborn as me, but I allow to doubt myself. He has A LOT of psychopathic traits which I don't enjoy, others are quite amusing in a certain way.
Lately though (after a few years) he's become really fucking annoing, at times. It frustrates me putting up with his shit, talking about cheating (which I think is a weak thing to do), talking down on my life (I'm vastly more successfull...and full of myself), talking down on my way of perceiving the world and on my relationship.
I do not believe , that I'm a textbook-example of any traits in particular, but narcisist seems to fit the description best.
I sometimes think about just ending it -relationshipwise- for fear of getting sucked ito a bad thing, but the truth is, that there is a lot this friend has to offer (experiences with certain situations, "insightfullness" if he really has such a thing, procedural perfection, the list goes on...).
I've come to think, that a venomous spider in the web is still more usefull to me, learning "the ways of the spider", than no spider at all.
If I could be happy without this shit I would (I think), but the conversations are just superior to any others I've ever had. I think it has to do with the distance to certain topics others can't perceive.
Not really asking for advice, just putting stuff out there.

Thank you for writing about this topic, I tend to drink and amuse myself about people like him or me. Because THERE IS NO REAL SOLUTION, only temporary fixes to problematic situations.

4.  scinotropic    Monday, September 1, 2014

As i continue my little drinking problem/game I realize, everything I'm asking for is a pat on th back for being such a brave little human...ultimatly I know the only reasonable approach ist to discontinue this sick firendship.
A comment of some kind would help me though...I'm pethically devoted to the idea of being "good".

5.  scinotropic    Monday, September 1, 2014


6.  Jessika Endsley    Monday, September 1, 2014

Yeah, those relationships are oddly addictive. It feels like a somewhat comforting yet also disturbing learning experience.

7.  Jessika Endsley    Saturday, September 27, 2014

Narcissists do tend to manipulate, but many are too caught up in hating or glorifying themselves to focus on social manipulation. Just remember, there's no shame in needing a bit of extra time to focus and learn your material.

8.  prefer to remain nameless    Thursday, October 29, 2015

Neat summarization of the relationship between my N ex boyfriend and his psychopathic friend. Psychopath robs his house - estranged for a couple of months- P offers teary apology. N accepts (and is secretly honored to be admitted back into P's presence - although he would never admit this to himself). P ruins his relationship with the only woman who ever cared about his N ass - no problem, P.. You really nailed that dynamic. Great post - one I've been needing to read

9.  Egghead Einstein    Wednesday, April 20, 2016

I'm borderline and psychopaths and narcissists are warned in the literature but don't get it. We have empathy and thus can't actually lose in the long term. My psychopath ex latched onto my borderline but I saw what she was up to. I just played along until she got too dangerous. After a few years of her thinking she was so smart, I turned the tables and revealed all her little manipulations and that in fact it was me and my friends laughing at her, not the other way around. By then I had enough on her she had to leave the city. We aren't victimized, but we'll let you feel it. We have nothing to prove that way unless you push it. The narcs and psychopath always ends up frustrated because with empathy and spirit the borderline can't lose. They live in misery. We get to walk away. if they enjoyed playing with me, whatever. If their minds are so uniquely tiny, I'm glad I was able to give them a thrill.

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