Types of stalkers and stalking behavior
By Jessika Endsley
Hi, this is Dizzy and I'm going to talk about stalkers and stalking behavior in all genders. Since my last video was basically me ranting, I figured out as well make a useful video. So, stalkers. The word stalker gets thrown around the whole lot but it's very common. Many people are stalked at some point. Usually this is seen as a man stalking a woman. People think that it's a dangerous man chasing a woman down, peeping in windows, that's not usually how it happens especially in this daily age when we have computers. Stalking is common. I just said that. A survey shows that 8% of women, 2% of men have been stalked at some point there in their lives. I do not trust surveys and definitely do not trust that statistic. I think far more people have been stalked in their lifetime, especially men. I think that men might actually being stalked more often than females. But because females are all the "weaker" sex, content to be supposedly less dangerous, it is not taken seriously. If you have a man come up and say, "I am being stalked and it's scaring me and is interfering with my life", people might look at you like: "Bro!".
The Rejected Stalker
But there are different types of stalkers. There are the rejected stalkers. This tend to be the largest and most common group of stalker. That behavior's brought on by the ending of a relationship usually like a romantic partner. But sometimes with broken families or friendships that ended. These types of stalkers are, they have ambivalent feelings and want reconciliation but they also want revenge regarding the stalkee.
Most of these people probably have personality disorders. I mean really if you're stalking and you're an adult then you have some hangups or some delusions. These types of people can be dangerous but honestly they're more likely the type of sending messages, call and text and call and text and call and text. Crazy ex-girlfriend types or crazy ex-boyfriend types. A lot of times they'll send a message which is very threatening like, "Oh, you better call me or come over or I'm gonna beat you up." or something like that. Then they'll be like, " I love you. I love you. I love you." This happening and a fight in a regular relationship is not necessarily stalker behavior but if it happens over a period of time it's stalker behavior. I mean everybody goes through crap.
The Intimacy-seeking Stalker
Anyway, the next type is the intimacy-seeking stalker. Obviously this is based on the stalker wanting to have an intimate time with someone that does not necessarily want to have intimate with them or may not even know them. These stalkers may have decided that they have found their one true love or something. These people tend to be very delusional and if they're not delusional they are often morbid and can be dangerous. And they're very persistent. They're very obsessed.
The Incompetent Stalker
And then there's the incompetent stalker. I kinda feel bad for this group because I think a lot of people with aspergers which I have can fall in this group and not mean to do what they're doing. Incompetent stalkers lack appropriate social skills and knowledge about courtship. This can be romantic. It can be friends and it can also be a mixture of being incompetent and being rejected. They may see someone, know someone basically be a good friend or good romantic partner. Most of these people are not aspies but I can relate that these stalkers are infatuated and obsessive and the person they're stalking may like them but not to the same degree. They may feel like they're entitled to this relationship because they just know that this is the person. This is like a personality style. People who do this, do it over and over and over and over with different people. It's very teenagery but it can go into adulthood obviously and I kinda feel bad in this group. I've never been the type to stalk but I've had people stalked me in high-school and even after and even sometimes now and they don't mean to. These types aren't are most dangerous as the other or they're just, they're childish.
The Resentful Stalker
Then there's resentful stalkers. These stalkers will do things like put tacks underneath your tire or throw stuff at your window. They're behavior is dangerous and it's meant to distress or frighten the victim. This would be not quite a Ted Bundy but getting there. They're petty and they want to cause harm. They're just disgruntled and often choose who they're stalking like at random. Like they may have a prototype. Like they may decide to stalk a woman with red hair because they just don't like them. Just like much like a serial killer will have a prototype victim. But these aren't serial killers they're just stalkers - probably delusional.
The Predatory Stalker
Then there's the interesting one, the predatory stalker. This is what most people think of when I think of a stalker. They tend to be men. They stalk with a sexual attack in mind usually. They want power. They enjoy the stalking. They usually have a paraphilia and many of these people are convicts or sexual offenders. But the thing is, is that the predatory stalkers are actually less common than people think it is.
All of stalking is anti-social because it's not socially acceptable but it does not mean that these have anti-social personality disorder although the predatory types do. And female stalkers tend to have borderline personality disorder or PTSD. I'm really not trying to demonize stalkers or people with personality disorders at all because I have aspergers and I completely understand what it's like to be a little obsessee about a certain one. Like that's my friend, you're my friend that means we do friend things together. I mean it could be funny a little bit but it can creep people out. By that time, I was like 18 or 19, I started kinda being aware of it like other people did that to me and then I started seeing that I was doing that like to one person I wanted to be close friends with, already had a social group and wasn't really wanting to be my friend. I wasn't stalking them but I was definitely, I definitely felt they've liked me more than they actually did. People who make you feel uncomfortable like if you have avoid going somewhere because you might run into an ex then one of you has a problem. And I mean like not on the, you know we're still trying to get over at thing and we don't wanna see each other. It's more of a he/she sees me then they might follow me or might try to threaten my new romantic interest or stuff like that. Most of the things on the internet that I've found about stalking behavior, I think it's just wrong. Saying that most stalkers are men. Most predatory stalkers are men but more women, I think actually do low-key stalking. That's where I run into an issue into statistics because, well females are possessive. I mean males are too but biologically, women are possessive and if they are rejected or a relationship is ended prematurely without, you know and they don't deal with it right.
Stalking and BPD
A lot of people with borderline personality disorder have abandonment issues. And many female stalkers as I've said are borderlines and again I'm not hating on borderlines here. So, the abandonment issue comes in and they will stalk. They will check your Facebook. They will make a new Facebook or something to find out who you are. They'll make a fake thing to talk to whomever you're dating now. Males and females do this, not just females. Drive past your house, seeing who's there. Dropping in uninvited and not in the way that you know is acceptable because you're closer, because it's early in the courtship or something and you know people do that and it's normal. But you've broken up and they're not welcome anymore and they just keep dropping in or they keep referring to you as a friend or a romantic partner after a breakup has happened because they will not accept that it's over. Basically, a lot of like 1/3 of stalkers are supposedly ex spouses or ex lovers, 1/3 supposedly acquaintances and 1/3 supposedly strangers. I hate fractions. Basically, the thing is stalkers don't take no for an answer. They have a obsessive personality. They're often very intelligent. They tend to be loners although not always. Predatory don't tend, I don't think they tend to be loners. They often have low functioning or they are really over neurotic. They don't display the discomfort or anxiety that people naturally feel in certain situations. If you've ever hunted like an animal, I do archery so I've hunted. It's a little, it gives you adrenaline to hunt. And stalking is a little similar to that I think and stalkers don't feel the same rush necessarily that a normal person would if for some reason they were forced to stalk. Like somebody would held a gun to you and said, "Stalk this person." But anyhow, I lost what I was looking at. I hate when that happens. Okay. And stalkers often suffer from low of self esteem. Well most people who have abandonment issues do. If you feel like you're being stalked by someone, virtually, in real life, a family member. Let me touch on this real quick and then I'll shut up.
Stalking by Family Members
Family members. Co-dependent parents, can display stalking behavior. If you're an adult and you don't live with a parent or something and the parent is having issues letting you go, like cutting the cord, they will display a lot of same stalking behavior that an ex lover would. Keep that in mind. I know it's weird and kinda hard to comprehend that but I think this is actually more common in mothers although there are the very protective fathers who will do it too. But non-stop calling, wanting to see what you're doing, being an overprotective parent and then crossing that line, it's kinda hard to tell but it happens a lot. And nobody wants to sit there and say, "Wow, my parent or sibling, whoever is stalking me." There are restraining orders. There's, you know, guns. Do what you have to do just don't let people threaten you or don't feel like your being controlled by the whereabouts of someone else. Basically, that sums up stalking. Thoughts, opinions, epiphanies, whatever, I hope this will help some of you out there who maybe need to know about this stuff. So, have a good evening.